Leading into my departure for this intensive time of study, my back had been a little tweaky – the first time in a long, long, long time. I did what I could to stabilize the situation before I left for an epic day of travel, invoked the power of a few unseen friends, and set off. Upon arrival, I felt uncomfortable but elated to be “home.”

Arriving at the training site, a working ranch under the watch of Mt. Sopris, I felt grateful, excited to back in student mode. We sat for a long opening lecture and moved into an extended physical practice, after which I was, let’s say, on beyond uncomfortable. By mid-afternoon, my sacrum fully out of whack, a nerve pinched, and everything from hip to shoulders seized to try to help out, I was on the floor, tears streaming, waiting for an opportunity (and a way) to get up and out of the room unnoticed. (insert the cackle of The Universe here.)

By the time I got back to my cabin up the mountain (where I was staying alone and have no cell service), I could barely get out of the car, and it was with a whole lot of shouting when I finally did. Here I was, in the middle of my version of paradise, with my beloved teacher and my people whom I see twice per year if I’m lucky, totally debilitated and cut off from civilization. My mind drifted from the WHY? WHY?? WHY??? questions to the landfill of a lifetime of thoughts and emotions around identity, worthiness, comparison, judgment, insecurity, vulnerability… It was AWESOME. And yes, that is echoed from the deep, desperate chasm of sarcasm.

What was NOT lost on me, fortunately, eventually, was why I was there. The course material was on The Evolution of Consciousness. And here I was, wallowing in the identity of Self in the human body, drowning in the negative chatter of the monkey mind. In other words, just-come-down-out-of-the-trees in terms of consciousness evolution. #failfailfail